North Korea, Best Korea!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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