Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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