Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
