Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They took my balls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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