I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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