So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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