There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
