It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
