a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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