it was like his penis was on wheels.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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