You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
