Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
