Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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