The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
