The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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