You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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