it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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