a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
