Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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