I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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