There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
