Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
