I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize