sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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