She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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