already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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