she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
