The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
