margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
