you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
