I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Come share oat with me in your robe
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
