So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
