I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
