I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
