So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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