Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
