Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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