sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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