If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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