I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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