Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
