The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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