I must be too annoying 4 u.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
