i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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