He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
