you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
