well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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