I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
