i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
