apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
