i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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