End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
