I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize