Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
