Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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