soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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