you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
