my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
