Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
