all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Come on in and take your pants off
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