how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize