she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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