It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
