Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
