So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
