I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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