I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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