eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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