it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
