i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
