Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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