we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
