you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
