my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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