My brain says no but my pants say off.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize