The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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