the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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