maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
