no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
