I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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