U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize