I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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