I'm really into asian looking animals
he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
