Sponge bath it is.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
